Our lives are full of upsets, losses and mistakes. We have all had moments where we wish the ground would have just swallowed us up. To have the magical ability to forget an event ever happened. We have all found ourselves ruminating on what we could have done differently and wishing we could go back in time. These experiences can take a heavy toll if not dealt with properly.
Sport is a great example of this. A tennis player who loses a set 6-0. A football team played off the park in a 5-0 defeat and barely touched the ball. A track runner falls over their own feet in the race and watches the pack disappear as they try to clamber to their feet.
After someone experiences a heavy defeat, a large setback or makes a major mistake, they are often told to simply 'bounce back'. They need to reset and return to 'business and usual'. What happened has happened, and they merely need to forget about it.
While that approach has some merit, it is not strictly possible.
Every life experience changes our brain in some way, making "bouncing back" an impossible feat. Every day we awake, we are different from the day before. Our brain always changes, develops, and incorporates information from our experiences. It digests and filters information continuously to help us make sense of the world and improve our effectiveness in the task we choose to undertake. Therefore, all experiences impact and change us.
The American Psychological Society defines resilience as the "process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress." Resilience is managing and developing, even when facing difficult and emotional experiences. Resilience is not an "oh well" concept in which everything is wiped clean and forgotten about the day after the event.
As the American Psychological Association states, "being resilient does not mean that the person doesn't experience difficulty or distress." Instead, the road to resilience "is likely to involve considerable emotional distress."
Challenges, setbacks and defeats are unavoidable. We must accept and learn from them rather than shy away. Every individual experiences loss, rejection, heartache and embarrassment. These are painful yet common occurrences. What is crucial is that those events are processed, accepted and digested to allow us to lower the chances of the same event reoccurring.
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