The image of parents passionately cheering on from the sidelines is synonymous with junior sports. Some parents push their children hard to succeed, while others supportively attend to encourage participation. While parental encouragement is crucial in junior sport, there are many instances of parents crossing a boundary and causing issues for the children, coaches, or other parents in the team. These issues raise the question, what role should a parent play in their child’s sporting development?
While the coaches are responsible for the physical and technical development of the players, parents can play a crucial role in their mental development. Many get caught up in the issue of winning and losing and forget the bigger picture. Junior sport should be viewed in the wider context of the child’s life. It can provide a platform for learning important life skills and promoting healthy human interaction. Secondly, if mastered, these interactions can see them thrive in competition later in life. There are three important elements to promote as a parent when your child partakes in sport, otherwise known as the three ships:
Ownership
Ownership is the process of not only accepting an outcome but owning the role you have played in that outcome. In the scenario of sport, this is often a loss. Losing is a part of sport and life. It is unavoidable, yet that does not make it any easier to process. When experiencing a loss, it is easy to point the finger and shift responsibility for the result onto another person or situation.
‘I lost because it was raining’
‘I lost because no one passed to me’
‘I lost because our goalkeeper was terrible’
‘I lost because the referee was rubbish’
‘I lost because the opposition cheated’
All these excuses are heard regularly, but that doesn’t make them any more credible. Finding an excuse for a result is easy and is often what a child will turn to after a loss. It is important as a parent to promote a degree of ownership of a performance. Ask your child these questions:
‘How could you have played differently to change the score?’
‘What could you do next time to stop them from winning?’
‘What did we do poorly that we need to do better next time?’
These questions create a conversation focused on their role in the performance. It moves the discussion away from external factors and on to internal reflection. While there are often factors outside of anyone’s control that can affect a result, focusing on those doesn’t benefit anyone. Focusing attention on what they did and how they can improve next time creates a focus on ownership of a situation. It promotes self-reflection and personal development during a game.
Leadership
Leadership is a trait that is a massive part of adult life. Many find the skill of leadership a fundamental area of focus in their career development, and sport is a perfect place to learn leadership lessons. Importantly, these lessons can start at any age. While the leadership requirements of a team captain can be obvious, leadership plays a part in any team or sport training group. There are two key areas to promote focus for your children.
Firstly, lead by example. While a team may only have one official captain, everyone can lead by example. It is important to promote this to your children. We have all dropped our heads when we are losing. Having the attitude of ‘this is over; we have lost this one. Hopefully, next week goes better’ while the game is still live is not uncommon. While this may be understandable, it is crucial to promote the mindset of ‘play to the final whistle’. Both attitudes can be infectious. They both can spread around the team like wildfire. While the former can be damaging, the latter can significantly improve a team’s performance. While the attitude of others cannot be controlled, a positive attitude can always be promoted.
Secondly, there is leading with kindness. Kindness is a focus all children are encouraged to adopt in all areas of life, and sport is no different. Sport can be an emotional cauldron, even at the junior level. Emotions can run high, and fuses can be short. A match can transform from an enjoyable morning to a heated confrontation in seconds. Arguments and disagreements can erupt between oppositions and teammates. Promoting calmness and compassion can separate your child from others.
Friendship
People often need to remember the primary component of sport. While the competitive side offers huge benefits, it is primarily a social activity. Whether you are teaming up with someone or facing off against them, you are spending time with people with a similar interest to yourself.
Sports can often be a small, tight nit environment. Children can often play competitive sport against the same people throughout childhood as they grow up. This group can also often extend into adulthood. Therefore, it is crucial to promote friendship, camaraderie, and community.
While children can make lifelong friends from their sporting endeavours, it is also just as easy to develop a bad reputation that can follow them for years. People do not want troublemakers or high-maintenance individuals as teammates, nor do they want annoying opposition who are difficult to deal with. It is important to remind your children of the importance of teammates and healthy relationships with those they train and compete with and the role of sportsmanship and fair play.
Junior sport can often be a child’s first exposure to a ‘pressure environment’ that can become common in adulthood. Starting them off on the right footing can set them up for future success while increasing their likelihood of sporting success.
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